she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
