she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
