so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
