he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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