Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
