Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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