I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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