I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
