You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
