When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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