Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
