Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
