Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
