I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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