I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
