Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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