Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We had to coat check the pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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