I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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