I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
