He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
