belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
