someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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