im holly from the hills drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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