Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
