Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
