Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
