I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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