honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
