he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
