So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
