So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
