Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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