the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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