Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
