she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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