she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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