I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize