Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
