Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
where are my eyebrows?
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