So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
