It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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