I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
