Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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