sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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