I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
