Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
