I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
