Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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