Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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