I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
