I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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