i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
