i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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