I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
