got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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