We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
