I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
two words...techno handjob
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All the doctor said was why
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
