I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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