apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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