guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
