First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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