what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
