So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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