Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
