I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
