How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
