dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
