you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
