I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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