The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
