I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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