I accidentally had phone sex last night
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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