My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
