Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
