why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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