My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
