What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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