OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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