i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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