i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
