Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
