What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
