Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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