We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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